Left to my own devices, I'm a lazy bum. Seriously. Give me a week (i.e. this week) with nothing going on but work and seeing friends whenever I want, you'll find me on the couch in my apartment, in my sweatpants (maybe), unshowered, surrounded by dirty dishes watching watching whatever TV series I haven't yet (I can cross Downton Abbey off my list for now, next up is Portlandia.) It's not a pretty site.
Granted, I'm usually pretty busy. My mother tells me that I need to learn to say no to people. I think one of the reasons I have trouble saying no, is because even though last semester when I had a ton of things going on, I still had plenty of time to keep up with all of my TV shows. (Parenthood, Big Bang Theory, HIMYM, New Girl, Mindy Project, Emily Owens MD, Glee, Parks and Rec, Ben and Kate, plus I'm watching the entire series of Scrubs. I highly recommend them all and can't wait until I can add Community to this list.)
This week I've been on winter break. I'm still working full time, but see paragraph one to get a good picture of what my week looked like otherwise. Part of me thinks that I need this. People will tell me to enjoy it because life will get busy again here soon. Or they'll say to soak up this opportunity while I still don't have kids. Part of me agrees. But the reason I think I need this is so that I can more fully feel the difference of a life without meaning to a life with meaning.
You see, I am the kind of person who believes that I have purpose and that I am here for a reason. I believe that my lifetime should be spent getting to know God, introducing others to Him, fighting against the sinful desires in my heart, and cultivating attributes like goodness, patience, and self control, so that I can better serve Him and be a blessing to other people.
A week on my couch doesn't really feel like I'm living up to any of that. At all. But at least it gives me the opportunity to see why a life of purpose is better. This week has left me feeling lazy, tired, pointless, useless, and with a strong feeling of this is not who I want to be.
Now that I have a better picture of who I don't want to be, maybe I can better live up to who I do want to be.
Some of my New Years resolutions include eating breakfast, taking zumba classes, reading (and finishing) the books on my list, reading through the bible in a year, praying for people more, especially on the spot, finishing the things that I start, cooking more than I eat out, having people over for dinner, being more diligent in my homework, keeping in better touch with those I love who are far away, going to see my family more, being more focused and intentional at work, and as always, sleeping more.
Sometimes I think I have to see who I don't want to be to be encouraged to fight against the laziness of my natural state. And really, it is a fight. A hard one. But being aware of the battle is the first step, eh?
Okay. (Insert inspirational pump it up music) Time to put on pants and venture out in the world. Here I come.